It first hit me while I was changing newborn Imanuel’s diaper after a night feeding.  I looked at him laying on the changing table in our bathroom at our Ypsi house.  As he looked up at me with his eyes filled with wonder and innocence, I wanted to tell him.  I wished I could express just how much I loved him.  But he pretty much had no clue who I was, let alone understand how he had altered the course of my life.  It broke my heart to realize that he wouldn’t remember these moments.  I wanted him to know how much time and energy I had dedicated for him – waking up every few hours with him, feeding him, bathing him, watching him, worrying over him, praying for him, dreaming dreams for him…I just wanted him to know what he meant to me.  I realized that these special moments were for me to cherish alone.  He wouldn’t remember.  Call it hormones, but I remember being so overwhelmed that I began to weep.  It was from then, that within me, I began to grow the heart of a parent.  

A while ago, I remember hearing in a sermon that a child can never out-love his/her parents.  The more he explained, the more it made sense.  It’s a natural law that my kids will never love me more than I love them.  I was not alone.  But to make matters “fair”, I realized that my parents love me more than I love them.  That was pretty humbling.  After all of the self-sacrifice they endured, my siblings and I can’t love them as they truly deserve.  

The conclusion was simple, but really spoke to my heart – we can never out-love God.  He is the Father of all.  This means that no one in the universe loves God more than He loves them and He knew this would happen even before we were created.  I realized that during that night in the bathroom, I didn’t cherish that moment alone.  We never really do.  My Heavenly Father was close, giving me a glimpse into His heart.  If I would have known what I know now, I would have taken those moments of weeping to thank Him for His matchless, unselfish love and for showing me the true heart of a Parent.  It will never be fair for God.  

It is my sincere hope and prayer that as my boys grow, they will strive to know how much God loves them.  After all, who am I compared to the Lord?  The boys may never understand my love for them, but no one will ever know God’s infinite love for us.        

“For I am persuaded that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”  Romans 8:38-39

Who will love Him back?