Now that the boys are down for the count, I thought I’d do some reflecting.  It was just one of those nostalgic days where things seemed to trigger a rather rigorous jog down memory lane…

At the gym:
This morning, I headed over to the Tech SDC (student development complex), which is quickly becoming my daily custom, to exercise.  I recently purchased a 3 month community membership to train for the Hawk-i triathlon in June.  I’ve been finding myself perusing on-line shops and googling variations of the phrase, “university of michigan apparel” because in so many ways I feel like I’m betraying my alma mater…and the CCRB (central campus recreational building).  There was something about that stale, smelly indoor track, those pick-up games where you were spectators on courts 1 and 2, but were welcome to run with the guys on court 4, and where a fun volleyball game was just a screen over.  The weight rooms were just foul.  Apparently to spray and wipe down the machines (as the Tech mascot, Blizzard always reminds us) was reserved for nerds like me.  But, it’s nice to be in a gym again, albeit in a very different time and a very different place.  I still love that time that’s just for me.

Out for Breakfast:
When I got home, Israel warned me of his super-busy day.  I thought it’d be fun for the family to go out to breakfast.  (And when I say fun, I mean no cooking and no cleaning.)  Israel kindly declined due to work-load and so after Ty went down for his morning nap, I took Manu and Micah out for brunch.  I let them decide between Perkins and Quiznos.  Quiznos it was.  It made me think of my first date with Manu.  He was only one and I was near full-term with Micah.  It was our last hoorah together before Micah would enter our lives.  For tradition’s sake, I did the same with Micah when he was just one…and I was pregnant with Titus.  And so as we were driving there, I was thinking about how it would have been around this time.  Ty was of age to share a veggie sandwich with me and become initiated into toddler-dom by taking his first sip of raspberry lemonade.  Bummer, he was at home sleeping.  But HALLELUJAH! I’M NOT PREGNANT!!  So, I guess that evens things out. 

I love remembering.  My fear of forgetting these moments often seems insanely irrational in my mind, yet so right in my heart.  I guess sometimes it’s hard to believe that the future has so much in store.  But where then is my hope?  I need more of it now.  Soon, we will experience living without hope.  There will be no need for it because every impulse we feel can be a reality.  Predictable?  No way.  Indescribable?  For sure.  I can’t imagine such a place, but I am convinced that it is available to us.  For now, though, we can still hope.  And more than anything else in this world, I hope to meet all of you there.