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They Will Never Know…

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It first hit me while I was changing newborn Imanuel’s diaper after a night feeding.  I looked at him laying on the changing table in our bathroom at our Ypsi house.  As he looked up at me with his eyes filled with wonder and innocence, I wanted to tell him.  I wished I could express just how much I loved him.  But he pretty much had no clue who I was, let alone understand how he had altered the course of my life.  It broke my heart to realize that he wouldn’t remember these moments.  I wanted him to know how much time and energy I had dedicated for him – waking up every few hours with him, feeding him, bathing him, watching him, worrying over him, praying for him, dreaming dreams for him…I just wanted him to know what he meant to me.  I realized that these special moments were for me to cherish alone.  He wouldn’t remember.  Call it hormones, but I remember being so overwhelmed that I began to weep.  It was from then, that within me, I began to grow the heart of a parent.  

A while ago, I remember hearing in a sermon that a child can never out-love his/her parents.  The more he explained, the more it made sense.  It’s a natural law that my kids will never love me more than I love them.  I was not alone.  But to make matters “fair”, I realized that my parents love me more than I love them.  That was pretty humbling.  After all of the self-sacrifice they endured, my siblings and I can’t love them as they truly deserve.  

The conclusion was simple, but really spoke to my heart – we can never out-love God.  He is the Father of all.  This means that no one in the universe loves God more than He loves them and He knew this would happen even before we were created.  I realized that during that night in the bathroom, I didn’t cherish that moment alone.  We never really do.  My Heavenly Father was close, giving me a glimpse into His heart.  If I would have known what I know now, I would have taken those moments of weeping to thank Him for His matchless, unselfish love and for showing me the true heart of a Parent.  It will never be fair for God.  

It is my sincere hope and prayer that as my boys grow, they will strive to know how much God loves them.  After all, who am I compared to the Lord?  The boys may never understand my love for them, but no one will ever know God’s infinite love for us.        

“For I am persuaded that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”  Romans 8:38-39

Who will love Him back?

 

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The Pain of Repentance

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A little while back, I went through this phase where whenever the boys would apologize to me for doing something wrong, I would say, “That’s okay, just please don’t do that again”. I’m grateful that my boys apologize so well, but there comes a time when you start to wonder how sincere the apologies are. After all, “obedience is better than sacrifice”. That phrase took on a whole new meaning after my boys became toddlers.

As it often happens with small children, they began to use my line. Whenever I asked Micah to apologize to Manu for doing something wrong, he would say “I’m sorry,” to which Manu would respond, “That’s okay, just please don’t do that again”. Then after a while, when I would ask Imanuel to apologize to Micah for doing something wrong, Micah would respond, “That’s okay, just please don’t do that again”.  They even started busting that line on me!  As you can imagine, it started getting irritating.  So, whenever someone would apologize, the dreaded response would be, “That’s okay, just please don’t do that again.” If that line was heard, there would be an uproar in our house, and even more apologies would need to be made. It was almost as if that response became demeaning.

Well, a few days ago, I took Manu and Micah with me to go run some errands. Ty was napping at home while Israel was getting some work done. I was on the phone with a church member and the boys were sitting quietly in the back seat. We were in the red car which meant that the heater was perpetually on. The windows were down to help cool off the temperature. After we were about half-way into town, Imanuel said that it was too windy and asked me to close the windows. Without thinking twice, I put both Imanuel & Micah’s windows up all the way. About 3 seconds later, Imanuel shrieked, “MOMMY! MICAH!” and I turned around to my horror. Micah’s face was frozen in pain and his arm was suspended in the air with all of his four fingers trapped in the window. I immediately put the windows down again and pulled over as Micah finally let out his quiet sobs of pain. (He rarely cries out of pain, so seeing him like this just broke my heart.) I ran around the car and swung open the door and grabbed Micah in my arms.  You parents can imagine how I was feeling at this moment.

For a split-second, I considered blaming the incident on Imanuel for asking me to put the windows up without checking Micah’s window.  Then, I thought about giving Micah a lecture on how he should never stick his fingers out of the window.  But when all was said and done, I knew I had no one else to blame but myself.

I looked at his bluish fingers as he managed to utter how his fingers got stuck in the window. I repeatedly told him how sorry I was and kissed his hand over and over again. He was able to move them and I felt some relief. As he stopped crying, I looked him in the eyes and apologized one more time. Then he responded in between those crying hiccups, “That’s okay, just please don’t do that again”.  I almost cried. I knew that he had forgiven me and I promised him that I’d never, ever do that again.

After I got back into the driver seat and we continued towards town, I didn’t have to explain much to the boys.  The lessons in safety were already learned.  We moved on a happier topic…we were going to recycle!

That day I learned a thing or two about true repentance.  It is painful.  It is traumatizing.  There is no justifying or blaming.  It makes you want to never hurt/fail that person again…and you do whatever it takes to ensure that it doesn’t happen.  After being forgiven, you are utterly humbled and it makes you love that person even more.  You are forgiven, but you never forget.  You will always be sorry.  And still you must move on.

I want my boys to learn what it means to have sincere repentance for their sins and an authentic forgiveness towards one another – an experience that ultimately changes who we are and causes us to love each other more.     
  

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Ty’s First Haircut

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So, on the evening of Monday, April 26, Ty was given his first haircut.  He didn’t have much hair to begin with since a lot of it started falling out last month, but the remaining strands were getting pretty long.  Lala and Nana were leaving the next morning, so Nana offered to cut Ty’s hair.  He did a pretty good job at sitting still and not fussing.  She didn’t bring her scissors and supplies, so she had to use our ghetto scissors and Israel’s beard trimmer, but the cut turned out so well!  Ty looked so different, but very cute. 

Ty sitting in his comfy barber chair.  

In commemoration of this milestone, all of the other boys (Israel included) supported Ty by also getting their haircut.  It was the boys’ first professional cut!  Nana used to cut Israel’s hair back in California when he was a little boy.  We really appreciate her for giving so many haircuts in such a short amount of time!  Israel got his hair cut after Ty.  The next morning before leaving for the airport, Imanuel got his hair cut.  And believe it or not, Micah got his haircut en route to Marquette airport in our big blue van, Leon! 

Now all of the boys in this house are well-groomed and looking sharp.  


Ty & Nana

The final results!

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Lala, Nana, Mama & the boys

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From April 13-27, Lala and Nana Margie came to stay with us. Israel was scheduled to be in France for evangelism meetings from April 15-26. On the Thursday that he left, he drove to Marquette airport then flew to Detroit where his first layover was. And he never got any farther. The volcano that erupted in Iceland shut down all air travel into Europe temporarily. So, after a few days stuck in Detroit, he ended up driving back home with Daniel who happened to be downstate for that week. It was nice because we got to spend more time together and for the first time in a while, the number of parents (including 3 mothers!) in our house exceeded the number of kids. This resulted in scrumptious meals, plenty of playing for the kids, wonderful conversations, fun outings, 2 birthday parties (for Nana & Lala), an immaculate kitchen, a clean house, and a virtually stress-free 2 weeks! We were so blessed to have them here and we were so sad to see them go. Here are some of the highlights from their visit:

– receiving all of the special gifts from Lala & Nana (like Bible Bingo, books & clothes)
– Lala finding our big green ball in the woods
– Bentley protecting Nana from the porcupine and other porcupine stories…
– spending a couple days at Camp au Sable
– doing a sauna together
– Ty’s first solid feedings of rice cereal & his first haircut!
– all of the boys getting haircuts by Nana, a professional hair-stylist!  <–a separate post soon to come
– lots of walking/playing outside & being healthy (except for eating all of that cake)
– many trips to Walmart
– and plenty of hugs and kisses  🙂

We hope we can see them again soon! In the meantime, we have pictures to help us remember our fun times together. 
 

Lala & Nana, thank you so much for coming!

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The Gracious Reunion

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During our last trip down for Ian’s dedication, my sister met Ty for the first time.  It was special because not only did my sister name him, but Ty is also indirectly named after her.  My dad chose the Korean names for our kids.  Korean siblings (& cousins) often share a generational name syllable in addition to their family name.  So, in our kids’ generation, their common name syllable is “woo” which is derived from the chinese character meaning “friend”.  Imanuel’s name is “Sun-woo” (good friend), Micah’s name is “Hyun-woo” (wise friend), and their cousin Ian’s name is “Myung-woo” (bright friend).  Ian is named after my dad whose Korean name is “Myung-keuk”. 

When Ty came along, my dad decided to name him after my mom and sister who both share a common syllable, “Eun” which means “grace” (or “silver”).  So, Ty’s name is “Eun-woo” (gracious friend).  Their three names are special to our family because not only do all three of them share a common syllable though they span three different generations, the other part of their name is their generational name syllable shared with their siblings.  In our family, our names have been instrumental in giving us a sense of identity and belonging as well as pride in who we are.  It is my prayer that our boys will share in those bonds as they grow together in the Lord.        

Graces
Three of my favorite people, Ju-eun, Eun-bok, and Eun-woo, at their first reunion. 

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Built Ford Tough

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The other day, the two older boys wanted to play outside so while Ty was napping, I stole an hour or so to go out and play with them in the backyard.  We first went for a walk and admired the purple wild flowers that blossomed.

Bentley hung out with Edna…until he found a bone in the woods! 

Then, Imanuel wanted to ride his trike.  He LOVES riding his trike.  Micah has a mini-bike with training wheels that my parents also bought for them, but he still hasn’t quite gotten the hang of it yet.  So, I thought, maybe I could just pull him around in a sled.  I was getting so tired that I just couldn’t pull him anymore.

Then, Imanuel thought of the brilliant idea of pulling him on the sled with his trike!

Yeah, right.  He was only able to get Micah to move for just a few inches and that was on an incline!  I ended up having to push them.  That’s when we knew what we had to do.  We realized that the only way we could pull Micah was to use something really tough…Ford tough.

Success!  (Well, sort of.  They still did have some trouble going uphill.)

Last month, for Micah’s 2nd birthday, Thanksgiving, Ty’s birth present, Christmas 2009, and Manu’s 4th birthday, we bought the boys a Ford Harley Davidson Edition Power-Wheels Truck.  :]

They used their truck to help with some yard work. 

Then it was time to go inside.  Manu parked the car in our garage where only Fords are allowed. 

So, here’s to many years of good use on this car…because we decided this is only car they’ll be getting from us! 

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Easter with Grandma Karen

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This past weekend, Israel was in Georgia for GYC BOD meetings.  The kids and I were able to spend some time with one of our favorite people, Grandma Karen.  Since we’ve moved to the U.P. nearly 4 years ago, Karen has sat with us and helped me take care of the boys during church.  Thanks to her, our boys have learned how to sit quietly (for the most part) while the preacher preaches.  She has put together Sabbath bags for Manu and Micah, and each week, she puts different books and quiet toys in them.  Even when she is away for the weekend, she makes sure to drop off the bags at the church so the boys will have something new and quiet to look at during church service.  That is how it all started, but Karen has become so much more to us. 

She remembers the little things.  None of the boys’ birthdays have gone by without Karen remembering to get a present & card.  (And she makes sure to get a little something for the other kids’ too so they don’t feel left out.)  And every time we see her, she always has a little snack or treat to give the boys.  We have been blessed with wonderful church members, but Karen is extra special.  The boys absolutely love her and we know she loves them so much too.

She has become a part of our family.  Not only does she keep Israel in line when it comes to church business, she makes sure we are taken care of.  I remember a few times when she called to tell us about coming snow storms.  We usually had no clue, but we were able to be prepared when we got snowed in.  Then she gave us a weather radio to make sure we would be prepared.  Embarrassingly enough, a few times she’s offered to shovel our roof because the snow would be dangerously high.  Israel would then make sure to get that taken care of (-by hiring some guys to do it).  She is an amazingly strong and capable woman and she gives us guidance when we need it.

Most importantly, she loves the Lord.  She has endured severe trials in her life, but has come out victorious.  She is filled with wisdom and knowledge, and I love spending time just talking with her.  She keeps it real and is always willing to learn and grow.  I appreciate that about her.

That is why spending so much time with Grandma Karen this weekend was so wondeful.

Sabbath afternoon at the park


Easter Sunday dinner out


She surprised the boys with special Easter baskets filled with fun things!

There are very few people outside of family, that you are able to love like family.  She would definitely be considered one!  Thank you, Grandma Karen, for being such a special part of our lives.  We love and appreciate you so much!

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Spring 2010

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While there are still some scattered remnants of snow on the ground, I think I can (almost) say with certainty that spring is here!  There have been many changes in the Ramos household: 

1.  We have developed a monthly menu for all of our meals to eat healthier and to help streamline our shopping and spending.
2.  We are trying to grow our own herbs this year.
3.  We started working out.  (I’m training for a 5k and Daddy is training for a sprint triathlon!)
4.  We started taking the kids to the public library in Houghton where the boys have already enjoyed storytime/crafts, playing on the kids’ interactive computers, and checking out lots of books. 
5.  Imanuel is 4 years old and can almost wipe his butt by himself!  One of his b-day gifts was receiving his own library card.
6.  Micah often tells us that he would like to go pee pee in his pickle cup (-the pickle jar where he is supposed to go pee in) but has only done it once.  Hopefully some day.  Other than that, he’s still eating, singing, and acting silly.
7.  Both Imanuel & Micah have the exact same size feet.  So, now they share hats, undershirts, neck ties, socks, and shoes.  Manu weighs 38 lbs and Micah weighs 36 lbs, but Manu is several inches taller still.
8.  Ty is close behind at 20 lbs.  He is now 3.5 months, he wears size 9-12 month clothes, and is now sleeping 9-10 hours at night!
9.  Bentley has a lady-friend, Edna, who has been making daily visits much to the chagrin of her owners. 
10.  The kitties have finally ventured outside!


Our first outing to the park by the canal.


His nicknames include: “Tai-bai-bo”, “Tae-bo”, and “Ty-Ty”… he’s our 20-pound-3-month-old wonder.


Bentley and Edna during one of her visits. 

We are so happy that Spring has decided to make her appearance early this year.  🙂

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Happy 30th Birthday, Israel!

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In a few hours, on February 26, 2010, Israel will turn 30.

I first met Israel when he was 19 years old. I had just turned 18. We started dating a year later and we’ve been together ever since. Over the last ten years, there is no one in this world who has been able to teach me, forgive me, change me, or love me more than Israel. Through all of the changes we’ve gone through together – from college days, to GYC, to entering the working world, to marriage, to pets, to pastoring in the U.P, to 3 boys!! – he’s still my best friend. This is why there is no one in this world who has more reason to celebrate and be thankful for his birth.

Many would know him as a spiritual leader, an ambitious dreamer, or a generous friend. But for three little boys, he is their hero. He is everything they want to become. And if they do, I couldn’t be prouder.  So, this is something special from them…for them.  Happy Birthday, Daddy :  Click HERE 

More celebrating to come in the morning…

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Things We Are Learning

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I’m glad that we are a boy family.  It’s a little crazy trying to handle everyone sometimes, but I don’t think I’d have it any other way.  I’m sure that God designed it so that everyone is happy with what they get.  The boys are starting to try to be men now.  They try to protect mommy (who is the house princess), they try to take charge — “like daddy” and even of daddy.  And they are starting to try to imitate things I do.  Manu has a “briefcase” that he “takes to work” (a Chuck-E-Cheese tool box); every time I go on visitations Micah says, “I want to go on visitations too, daddy!”; etc. 

During our vacation, I have been reminded again of the things about our family that I enjoy the most while also discovering the ONE thing that makes me most happy about the boys. 


Here are my two oldest boys — they grow too fast!  Micah gets into so much trouble and is the only person that can literally make me laugh while I’m still mad at him!  Manu reminds me of his sweet mommy.

 
Here we are making a fire.  The boys helped to stack the wood before we lit it on fire and then were so proud as they told their mom they didn’t get burned 🙂
After the fire was started, they threw “wood chips” into the fireplace.


It was  a warm day in DC, but there was still enough snow to go sledding.  Here are the three of us about to go down the hill (Micah is throwing “Wood Chips” into the (no) fire as I write this post.  The window to the fireplace is closed — hahahahaha). 

 
Brought to you by The North Face — never stop exploring.  Thanks to Aileen for the awesome hats (all 3)!


This is a shot of the bay’s Blue Ice. 


The love of my life.


Since we didn’t get to go ice-skating (PTL) because the weather was too warm, we did a family tubby in the huge bathtub.  Here is Manu practicing putting his “head underwater” as Micah is watching closely.  Micah did it too, a couple of times.  And Manu floated on his own (for like two seconds) for the first time in his life.  He’s starting to get it down, though. 


Ty gets to stay up until midnight with us.  As you can see, he just chills. 

     
Out of all the things that I enjoy in life, there is one thing that is at the top.  I’m sure every parent understands what I mean when I say this:
I love it when my kids come running to me and yelling “daddy, daddy!” as though there is something urgent to say.  And when they reach me, all they do is smile at me with ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO SAY!  It cracks me up!
IR

In Virum Perfectum