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My 2009 Check-List : The Final Evaluation

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Back on Wednesday, July 15, 2009 at 8:24pm, I created this list on Facebook.  Now that today is the last day of 2009, I’ve decided to do a self-evaluation and look forward to new goals for the new year.

10. Find a hairstyle that I really like and find a hairdresser that can make it happen. 
– I’ve found an awesome hair salon called NV Salon.  I have a great hairstylist.  I think the current hair style that I have is a keeper…at least for a while.  🙂

9. Not gain more than 35lbs during this pregnancy. (Never been done before.) 
– Totally saved by Grace.  I had an OB appointment on Dec. 10 and I was weighed.  I had gained a total of 34 lbs.  I went into labor the next evening.  If the baby would have waited until the scheduled c-section over a week later, I’m sure I would have gone over!  Isn’t God so nice??

8. Make it a habit of reading more. 
– I was really doing great on this one.  It’s been more difficult after Ty was born.  It’s been nice though because during feedings (usually at night when I’m all alone) I’ve been able to read the Bible on my iPhone.  It’s great because you don’t need to turn the lights on.  🙂

7. Transform the current office into the new baby room. 
– This was done thanks to my awesome sister who helped me do this when she came to visit.  It is temporarily my mom’s bedroom (-we put a twin bed in there), but once the baby is bigger/older, we’ll relocate him in there with one of the cribs.

6. Develop an exercise routine and stick to it. 
– I wasn’t very successful at this one.  I’m very motivated now that baby is out and I can pretty much hide my fist in my belly.  I am planning on participating in a sprint triathlon relay with Stephanie and Tennille.  I am going to do the running leg which means I need to be able to run a 5k without passing out.  Triathlon is in June.  I’ll need to train as soon as I recover from surgery.  Plus, my sister sent me a bunch of really nice pants that no longer fit her (-they are too big).  They are all size 6.  I have my work cut out for me.     

5. Learn how to cook more healthy, yummy meals. 
– Umm, I kind of progressed on this one.  I did get a vegan crock pot cook book as a gift so I’m excited about that.  I’ve been trying to incorporate more veggies/fruits in every meal so I guess that counts.  I also experimented with carob desserts.  Okay, I need to definitely work on this one – especially if I plan on losing all this weight.

4. Get a massage regularly – since for us, it’s free! 
– I did call – actually Israel called for me – but the massage therapist that we go to didn’t have a massage table for pregnant people.  She said she could give me a massage with me lying on my side, but I wasn’t very keen on that idea.  I’m hoping to take advantage of this this up coming year.  So, technically, I can omit this one, right?

3. Cultivate a deep devotional & prayer life. 
– I’ve had my ups and downs on this one.  I know things will be more difficult now that I’m a bit sleep deprived, but I am determined to find time.  I undeniably know my need of Jesus in my life.

2. Take a nice family picture…(after I get my nice haircut from my nice hairdresser.) 
– We took a nice family picture in October when Israel took our family on a overnight get-away for my birthday.  Now that Ty has joined us, hopefully we’ll be able to take an updated one sometime this year (after I get into shape)!

1. Train Bentley not to bark and go psycho on visitors or passing trucks.  
– Not so much.  The good thing is that it seems the older he gets, the more calm he is becoming.  I’m still hoping that I can accelerate his progress on this and not have to wait until he is retirement age.  Maybe I can turn this one over to Israel…

This new year, I’d like it to be a year of overall self-improvement.  Not that in the past, I haven’t wanted to improve myself.  But the past few years I have realized that I’ve focused more on taking care of my family needs than on my personal well-being.  But it is starting to take its toll.  I’d like to redeem some of my personal time with the Lord, and also my identity as His servant and His child.  I’m convinced that this is the only way I can make my family happy and to truly raise my boys in the ways of the Lord.  I will need God’s help! 

It is my prayer that this new year will bring our family closer to Christ and that much closer to His soon return.  Happy New Year!

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On the Eve of Christmas

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I’m writing now on the very eve of perhaps the most special Christmas ever.  My third baby boy was just born 12 days ago and my precious nephew is finally where he belongs – at home.  Seeing your loved ones hurting is the perhaps the most difficult experience one can go through.  But the Lord has been faithful to us.  He has used such a severe trial to strengthen our family, our friends, our churches, and ultimately our trust and love for Him.  There is no doubt in my mind that Ian Jukes Namm is a special child with a high calling.  And I’m so proud to be his aunt and I’m so proud to call God my Father. 

God bless each of you this holiday season as we remember the greatest sacrifice ever given!

(And this is where I would put a picture of me holding baby Ian.  One day soon.) 

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Am I Ready?

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The past weeks prior to baby Ty’s surprise arrival were crazy.  I was frantic trying to get all of the last minute preparations made.  Part of the reason was because I was nesting like never before.  The majority part was the fact that Israel was planning on going to California the Monday to Wednesday (Dec. 14-16) before my schedule c-section (Dec. 21).  I wanted everything ready before he left so that when he came back, we would be ready to go.  I wanted the house clean and I had an enormous check-list.  The baby room was temporarily transformed into my mom’s bedroom for the month she would be staying with us, I had scheduled an appointment for our furniture to be professionally steam-cleaned, Micah and I had our doc appointments taken care of, I dropped off a few large bags of miscellaneous items to Good Will, I bought last minute baby necessities, I loaded the freezer with food from our Schwan man (in case we got stranded by a winter storm), extra wood was stocked in the house, our bedroom was transformed into a temporary baby room, and my bag for the hospital stay was packed.  Physically, our house was pretty much ready. 

Last Friday, Dec. 11, I had finished tidying up the kitchen and I crawled into bed.  I sat there debating whether I should read or if I should work on the baby book.  I decided to work on the baby book since I still had to write a letter to the baby.  After all, it was one of the things on my check-list.  I started the letter with “Dearest Baby”.  Immediately the other two letters that I had written to my other boys came to mind.  I had poured out my hearts to unborn Imanuel and unborn Micah expressing how much I loved them and how it is my goal to raise them to love Jesus.  I shared with them how I may fail them, but how I would do my best, by God’s grace to always point them to our Savior who died for them.  And then tears began to well up in my eyes.  I thought of the past few weeks.

While I was physically getting our home ready for the baby’s arrival, spiritually, I was an absolute mess.  From the minute I would wake up to the seconds before going to bed, my mind was consumed with making sure we were cleaning and ready.  Imanuel and Micah were my biggest hindrance to keeping the house clean and getting Israel to do anything helpful was impossible.  My temper was short and my patience was somewhere on vacation far, far away.  I must admit that each night that week, before going to bed, it was very difficult to even pray.  I would keep it pretty generic so conviction wouldn’t fully set in.  I kept rationalizing and thinking that if I could just get everything done or make good progress, I would be happier.  If the kids just helped pick up their toys or if Micah would stop throwing any and all objects down the stairs, I would have time to play with them.  If Israel would help, at least with his chores, then I wouldn’t feel so exhausted all the time and would have time for devotions.  I was angry and bitter and hated it.  With this frame of mind – still quite fresh I assure you – what was I supposed to write to this new baby?  Could I honestly write that my deepest desire is to be a godly mother?  That I would do my best to raise him to love the Lord?  Every sentence I wrote took a lot of faith.  Finally, I couldn’t handle it any longer.   

With tears streaming down my face, I spoke to the Lord.  I cried out to Him in utter despair.  The thought kept going through my mind over and over again, “How can I possibly raise another child when I’ve already failed You so miserably?” 

I experienced a true repentance that I haven’t felt in a long time…and it wasn’t a good feeling.  Then, I felt a deep need for forgiveness.  Primarily from my poor husband.  I went to the bathroom to wash my face and marched into the living room where he was preparing for his sermon.  I could barely get the words out, “Israel, I just wanted to say…” and I got all choked up.  It wasn’t graceful nor pretty.  First of all, he thought something horrible had happened so he was all concerned.  Then I finally blurted out that I wanted to say sorry for treating him so horribly.  He ended up smiling out of relief and giving me a hug.  I told him what had happened as I was sitting in bed trying to write my letter to baby #3.  He gladly forgave me and assured me that I was still the best wife and mother in the whole world.  I don’t even try to argue with him anymore about that. 

I went back to the room so Israel could finish preparing and I spoke some more with Jesus.  I told Him that I honestly felt there was no way I could possibly be ready for this child to come, nor did I even feel worthy.  I had been faithful in getting “ready” for a child from a purely human perspective, but I hadn’t been faithful at preparing myself spiritually for the challenges ahead.  I needed more time.  Good thing I had over a week.  “Lord, I cannot do this on my own.  I proved that this past week.  I’m nowhere NEAR ready.  I need Your ever-present help every moment of every single day!”

And that night, I went into labor.  As I was timing the contractions, I spoke with the Lord.  I couldn’t believe this was happening and I honestly thought they would stop.  But with an overwhelming impression, the Lord spoke to me saying, “Judy, now you are ready.”

At around 5am, with a soft, calm voice, I called Israel’s name. 

Titus Israel Ramos was about to make his entrance into the world and I couldn’t be happier.

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Ty

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At around 5am, I heard a calm and soft voice calling my name. Still drowsy, I responded to Judy and she said, “I’m having contractions.” I quickly woke up and my natural doctor instincts kicked in. I asked if they were regular and how far apart they were. When she told me that they were five minutes apart I knew I had to do the responsible thing and call back-up. I said “Let’s go right now” (to the hospital). She called the hospital to see if we should come in and they said we should. Judy jumped in the shower and I notified Daniel that he should preach. We contacted Grandma Karen and she was willing to babysit Manu and Micah.

Since the baby wasn’t due for another two weeks, I didn’t want to get my hopes up. The scheduled C-Section was set for the 21st — a week before the actual due date. When we got to the hospital, the nurse checked her out and said that for sure she was going to deliver that day. Things started to get exciting. The boys went to Grandma Karen’s house and I stayed back with Judy. The hospital then called the medical staff to come in: Dr. Reyskin, the OB/Gyn was a visiting doc from CT (but originally from Russia) and the pediatrician on call was Dr. Murray, a visiting doc from downstate.

They prepared her for surgery and brought me some scrubs with funky boots. And then I followed the nurse into the OR. The people were really nice! Really, really nice! Judy did a great job and I saw, for the first time, the ACTUAL birth of one of my kids. The pediatrician took him for examination and they let me follow right along in the OR as though I was one of the staff. I went back and forth a few times between baby and mom. We took a few pictures. And we thanked God for a safe delivery for both mom and child. I then followed the nurses as they led me and our baby to the room next door for him to be weighed and measured.

After making a few calls to family Judy was brought out and the three of us met in the hall and came into the room where she’s recovering.

The baby’s name is Titus Israel Ramos or “Ty”. It means “honorable” in latin.

The name was chosen in honor of Auntie Julie. It was also chosen because the message of the book of Titus is relevant to our family at this time:

“For the grace of God that bringeth salvation hath appeared…
Teaching us that, denying ungodliness and worldly lust, we should live soberly, righteously, and godly, in this present world; looking for that blessed hope, and the glorious appearing of the great God and our Saviour Jesus Christ; who gave himself for us…” (Titus 2:11-14).

The surgery went well and Judy and Ty are resting at the hospital. We expect them to be home by Monday (I was supposed to go on a trip this day!).

We are so thankful for God’s goodness toward us and praise Him for His kindness toward our family.

Here is the birth announcement

Announcing Ty

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A Morning to Remember

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In the morning, Micah had been whining quietly for some time.  He wasn’t in a good mood.  Usually we are summoned by a cheerful, “MAMA!  MAAAAAAAAAMA!”  This morning, it was a series of whimpers and cries.  Yeah, there were a few “mamas” here and there, but he seemed so grumpy that I was hesitant to let him out thinking he may fall back asleep.  I waited a while and then I decided to go get him.  I knocked and he answered with a weak, “COME IN!” 

As I entered, there was a horrible stench.  He obviously had a messy diaper.  As I neared Micah’s crib, he was in the corner of his crib sitting down.  Usually he is standing and waiting for me to get him.  Then I noticed that there were stains all over his sheets and blanket.  Then I realize that it is brown.  Then I realize that there is brown stuff COVERING both hands, his clothes, and part of his face & hair.  I’m not even exaggerating, it looked like he had just played in a big, gloppy mud pile.  There was poop everywhere.  The sheer quantity of it all was outrageous.  I was beyond myself.  I was in shock.  I’m surprised I didn’t go into labor right then and there. 

I yelled to Israel for back-up.  I was afraid he had ingested some too.  I told Israel to take off his clothes as I ran off to started the bath water.  After stripping our poor child down, I stood him in the tub and began rinsing him off.  It took about 15 minutes to remove all of the brown stuff from his whole body.  Then, I plugged the tub and had him sit down for a bubble bath.  (Their bubble bath is scented like grapefruit so it helped the overall smell of the bathroom while at the same time, lifting his spirits.)  In the meantime, Israel hand-scrubbed the poopie clothes, blankets, sheets, and mattress protector and then threw them in the washer for a pre-wash, wash, and then extra rinse.    

The most pathetic part of the whole ordeal was that while I was washing him off with the warm water, he kept saying in between whimpers, “Thank you, Mama…thank you.”  The poor boy – I wish I would have gotten him sooner.

The moral of this story is to never feed Micah homemade soup – complete with squash, corn, carrots, potatoes, tomatoes, cabbage, and vegetable “mandoo” – for lunch AND dinner with grapefruit for dessert.  I don’t know why we didn’t see it coming.  This was the worst disaster ever.  It beats the Eucerin episode by a landslide. 

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The Mysterious Case of My OB

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So, at church a few Sabbaths ago, I was talking with one of my friends from church, Yunis, who is a nursing student at Finlandia.  She asked me who my OB was.  (She wants to be an OB nurse and she does her clinicals at the same hospital.)  I told her it was Dr. Smith*.  Then she went on to tell me how all of the nurses there hate her and how mean and impatient she is with them.  This was shocking because I always thought Dr. Smith was super-sweet.  She always made me feel so comfortable and seemed like she knew what she was doing.  Plus, she also has 3 little boys so I felt we had some sort of personal connection. 

* * * * *
One evening while my sister was up here for the week, asked her to measure my fundal height.  Anyway, she saw my c-section scar.  It’s not as bad as it was with Imanuel, but I still have a pretty bad keloid.  So, my sister told me to ask my OB if she would close my incision with subcuticular stitches.  It’s not standard, but apparently it is the “nicest” way to sew someone up to leave minimal scarring.  My first c-section at UofM, I was stapled.  For my second, I told Dr. Smith I scared really bad with the staples, so she glued me together.  For my third and final time, I was going to ask for the subcuticular sutures.

* * * * *

At my next OB appointment, I had scheduled to see a different OB, Dr. Doe*, since Dr. Smith was not available that week.  I went in and ended up having to reschedule since there was an emergency and that doctor wasn’t available either.  As I was rescheduling, the receptionist asked if I wanted to reschedule with Dr. Warren.  I told her that my actual OB was Dr. Smith and so I asked if she would be available.  I have had Dr. Smith since I moved up here and she was the doctor who had delivered Micah.  Then I received surprising news as the receptionist told me, “Dr. Smith no longer practices here”.  I was a bit taken aback because she told me so bluntly and without much emotion.  So, I responded, “I guess I’ll just reschedule with Dr. Doe then.” 

* * * * *

The next Sabbath when I saw my friend again, I told her that Dr. Smith no longer practiced there.  I was wondering if maybe all of the nurses had petitioned against her and had gotten her fired.  Yunis didn’t hear anything about it, but said she would try to investigate.

* * * * *

So, that following week, I’m at Walmart checking out and the cashier asks me how far along I am.  I tell her that I’m about 28 weeks and she tells me that she is too!  (I couldn’t even tell she was pregnant!)  Anyway, she asked who my OB is and I told her that it was Dr. Smith, but now I have Dr. Doe.  Her OB also happened to be Dr. Doe.  She then goes on to tell me that she heard from the lady who works at Customer Service that Dr. Smith was fired because she had made a few ladies go sterile.  She told me it may just be a rumor because she doesn’t know the customer service lady very well.  Anyway, that was that.

* * * * *

At my next OB visit, we discussed the date of the c-section and unless it can be done earlier it is scheduled for December 21.  We’re happy with that date because it is also Israel’s parents’ anniversary.  This year, it will also be the winter solstice – how ironic for a yooper baby – it will have been winter for 2 months already!  Anyway, I brought up the issue of her sewing me up with subcuticular stiches and she says that she always does that for her patients.  That made me happy.  Hopefully she’s really good at that.

* * * * *

I googled Dr. Smith to see if I could get any beef on her.  Nothing.

* * * * *

Things I learned from this experience :
1.  In small country hospitals, everyone knows everyone.
2.  In the country, all pregnant people are seen by the same OB or knows yours.
3.  Walmart checkout is where you can hear the latest town gossip.
4.  In the U.P., Dr. Smith will forever be known as the mean OB who was responsible for making people go sterile!  Poor lady!

So, I have a new OB.  She will be delivering our 3rd boy.  That will mean that all 3 of our kids will have been delivered by 3 different doctors AND I will have been closed up 3 different ways.  Hopefully this final time will be the best all around!  It seems the most promising…just a little over 9 weeks left.  I absolutely CANNOT wait.

*Names of OBs have been changed to protect their identity.

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White As Snow

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It was quite a sight.  We woke up on Sabbath morning and we were excited to see that there was a thin layer of frost covering our yard.  An hour later after I fed the boys breakfast, snow began to fall…and fall and fall and fall!  It hasn’t snowed this early since we moved up here over 3 years ago.  I took some pictures and a video of it with my new camera so I could share it with Israel who is down in Tennessee now.  Imanuel was very excited to see the snow.  Micah was more in a state of shock if anything.  I don’t think he remembers snow from last year!

As it snowed, I tried to think of a way to make a connection to spiritual things.  After all, it seemed like quite a magical moment for the boys…almost surreal.  I quoted Psalm 51:7:

“Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean;  Wash me and I shall be whiter than snow.”

As I explained that Jesus can take our “dirty” hearts and make them clean, Imanuel listened intently.  Then he said, “It’s like our hearts are hard, but Jesus can make them soft again!”  I was so surprised by this comment because I don’t recall the last time we talked about that.  But our short worship made a strong impression on me.  It helped me realize my need for a new beginning.  Going through the day to day grind, I found myself getting a little more impatient, a little more unforgiving, and a little less sensitive.  I re-dedicated myself to Jesus that day.  Just as a new season is beginning here in the U.P. I decided to once again give my heart over to Jesus for a good cleansing and softening.  White like snow!  What incredible forgiveness! 


     
So, there you have it.  Our first snow fall of the season on Saturday, October 10, 2009 at approximately 9:30am!

This pic was taken yesterday afternoon.  Yesterday also marked the first day I let Bentley out to go potty and he took a few steps out, peed on the snow on the deck, and ran back in.    A clear indication that indeed, winter is here!  I’m so thankful we have warm, toasty house to live in.  But more importantly than that, I pray our home will be a place where Jesus always resides.

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Guess What Daddy Found?

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This past Monday, Israel was able to take his day off so we planned something fun to do together.  Imanuel really wanted to do a “craft”.  So, in the morning, I went shopping and among many other things, I bought a 3-D Chalking Kit.  It came with plenty of 3-D chalk, stencils of jungle animals, 2 plastic 3-D glasses, a brush and sponge, and a couple chalk holders.  So, in the afternoon, we drew many pictures on our large circle driveway and watched them “pop out” with the glasses.  Micah didn’t really get into it.  He prefered going up and down front porch stairs.  But Manu had fun.

Later that evening, we had worship and put the kids to bed.  Then Israel went outside to bring all of the stuff back into the house, but he came in with more than the chalk set.  He was holding a baby bird!  It had been standing right on our chalk drawings and appeared to be all alone.  It wasn’t even afraid at all.  It was just sitting on the palm of Israel’s hand.  A couple times when Israel put his other hand close to the bird’s head, it opened its beak up.  So, I immediately went out to our garden to look for worms.  I found two and we tried to feed the baby bird.  It ate one.  Then I decided to look on the Internet to find out what we should do.  It took us to a link from Yahoo Answers and we learned a few things from a bird biologist:

1.)  If you find a baby bird on the ground and its nest may be nearby (-trees or shrubs nearby), leave it there because the mother is probably still around.  If it has fallen out of a nest and you can see the nest, you can gently put it back in.  If you can’t see the nest, still leave it there because the mother will still take care of the baby from the ground.

2.)  If the baby has feathers, it is probably learning how to fly, so leave it there!

3.)  Only handle the bird if you are positive that the mother has died and it cannot feed on its own.  Carefully take bird in but don’t try to feed.  Different birds eat different things – worms, seeds, fruit, etc.  Never feed human food.  Call local wildlife shelter immediately.

4.)  MYTH:  If you touch a baby bird, you will leave your scent and mother bird will kill or reject baby.  Birds actually have a very dull sense of smell.  Mothers will take their baby back so if you ignorantly touch/handle a baby, put it back where you found it!

So, considering the fact that our baby bird DID have feathers, it wasn’t injured, and there are a bunch of birds that nest in our many trees that surround our driveway, we immediately brought the baby bird back out and left him on the grass by where Israel had found it.  By this time, Imanuel woke up because we were making too much noise so he was able to see the baby bird too.  When he first saw it, his initial statement was:  “Is it REAL?!”  🙂  It was just so calm and never struggled or try to get away.  We took some parting pictures (& video): 


Anyone know what species of bird this is?

We left it out there and went inside.  However, Manu started getting very concerned.  He was wondering why we were leaving the bird out there all by itself.  I tried to explain that we learned that the mama bird was probably out there and she will take care of her baby.  And that we have no idea how to take care of a baby bird!  But then he was concerned because we didn’t know where the mama was.  Then in a fit of emotion, he burst out in tears and demanded that we get the baby bird back because we can’t leave it out there all by itself!  We promised that if it was still there in the morning, we would take it back in.  Then we prayed together and Manu asked the Lord to help the mama to find her baby bird. 

After Manu went back to bed, I kept an eye on the bird through our window.  After about 10-15 minutes of just sitting there, it ran a few steps and then FLEW into a nearby tree!  It must have been learning to fly!  I was so relieved!  And about a minute after it flew away, we heard Manu in his room burst into tears again saying that we needed to get the baby bird.  So, thankfully, Israel was able to go in there and assure him that we saw the bird fly to its home.  It was a happy ending. 

We thank the Lord that despite our ignorance, we didn’t do any injury to the bird, AND that we actually had the opportunity to see and handle one of God’s beautiful creatures.  It was almost a heavenly experience.  🙂 

So far, Daddy has surprised us with a large painted turtle and a baby bird (which we were able to release together)…what will be next??

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Update on My 2009 Things To Do List

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A couple weeks ago, I created a 2009 Things-To-Do List for myself. I’ve been consciously and subconsciously working on them. There definitely are some things that I need to work on more deliberately (-like calling to schedule a massage), but I’m trying to pace myself so some these things can actually become habits. Here’s the list in no particular order and how I’ve been progressing:

10. Find a hairstyle that I really like and find a hairdresser that can make it happen.
– I’ve been looking all over the Internet for styles that I like that may work with my face shape, hair type, etc.. Not been too successful. But I was looking back at pictures of me with different haircuts and I think I may have found one that I want to try again. We’ll see what happens.

9. Not gain more than 35lbs during this pregnancy. (Never been done before.)
– Okay, not much done differently in this area. Except I’m working on #6 so this may help.

8. Make it a habit of reading more.
– I started reading about an hour each day right when I wake up and/or at night. This is more for my devotional time, so I’m thinking that I need to find another good book that I want to start reading. Perhaps I should start reading the newspaper…

7. Transform the current office into the new baby room.
– I cleaned out the office of everything I felt at liberty to clean/throw away. I’ll have to get Israel to do the rest. But we do need to create a list of items we need for the new baby. I’m thinking we may end up getting a nice set of bunk beds for the boys and some clothes drawers. Then the new baby can use the furniture that the boys are using now. I just can’t wait until Friday to find out if we’re having a girl or another boy. Then I can go through all of the baby clothes we have. If it’s another boy, I can start organizing them. If it’s a girl, I can pass all of the boy clothes to my brother and Aileen, sort the unisex clothes, and start building her wardrobe. So, we’ll see what happens.

6. Develop an exercise routine and stick to it.
– So, I’ve decided to start off, that my exercise routine will be to brisk-walk on our treadmill for 15 minutes a day. It sounds sorry, but this actually causes me to break a sweat and feel tired. That’s how out of shape I must be in!

5. Learn how to cook more healthy, yummy meals.
– Now that I can eat most things without feeling nauseous, I’ve been doing more cooking. But haven’t found (or been looking for) new recipes to try. I think I want to find a crock-pot cookbook.

4. Get a massage regularly – since for us, it’s free!
– Need to just make a phone call! Maybe I’ll do it after ministerial retreat next week.

3. Cultivate a deep devotional & prayer life.
– My devotional life has been much better since I created the list. I really covet my time in the morning and/or night and/or whenever I have time. It helps that Israel gets the boys in the morning so if I’m not done reading yet, I’m not forced to cut things off prematurely. It has been a blessing for the whole family. I find that I’m much happier and less stressed.

2. Take a nice family picture…(after I get my nice haircut from my nice hairdresser.)
– No progress. Maybe after my haircut I’ll be more motivated.

1. Train Bentley not to bark and go psycho on visitors or passing trucks.
– Bentley has been getting better. I just need to find time to train him and have practice sessions with people coming over. Today we did have a minor break-through though. I was inspired by an episode of “The Dog Whisperer” to see if I could get Bentley to go on our treadmill. This would be perfect for our long harsh winters since there is no place we can walk him (unless we dig a long path). Today, he trotted on the treadmill for 10 minutes. He did a great job and I think he enjoyed it!

I enjoy seeing progress made and things getting done. Perhaps that is why I love to-do lists so much. I really hope I can work through these and make them happen. It helps to know that many of these not only benefit me, but my whole family. I pray that God will be my strength.

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To Clean or Not to Clean

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Today has been one of those rare days.  I do not want to clean the house anymore.  In fact, I feel almost as though I’m actually avoiding what needs to be done.  At one point, I did feel like cleaning the house, but then I felt like moping around and doing nothing.  I finished up GYC stuff and played outside with Manu while Micah took a nap.  I’ve eaten a couple of instant meals.  But overall, I’ve been lounging around refusing to pick any toys off the ground because there are just too many.  And because I just don’t want to.  There are clean, folded clothes that need to be put away but I don’t feel like it.  I started doing the dishes but ended half-way and I almost dread having to finish them.  I feel like I’m in a sort of rebellion – against being my OCD self.  It may be that I’m just burned out.  It may be that my hormones are out of whack.  The thought actually crossed my mind right now that I’m glad I’m grown up and don’t live in my parents’ house because they would surely would have made me clean by now. 

It would be a wonderful and liberating feeling to be OK with my house being in its current state.  Israel has been trying to “help” me feel this way for a while now.  I think it actually would be very therapeutic for me to not clean and to see that nothing horrible will happen.  The only problem is that on Friday, colporteurs will be coming and staying with us for a week.  So, then that makes me go into a minor state of panick.  The house needs to be clean by Friday.  But I’m not sure what I should do.  I’ve considered asking Israel to clean the whole house, but that just wouldn’t be fair to have him clean while I sit around and peruse through FB.  Should I just suck it up and clean now or wait to see if tomorrow finds me with renewed inspiration to clean?                

Is this how men/husbands feel about helping around the house or doing chores?  Is this how some wives feel about housework?  It really is a horrible feeling…to really not want to do something that you really need to do.  I’m guessing this is probably where discipline and self-motivation comes in.  So, maybe I should just get a cleaning lady?  Yes, it’s that bad…   

PS:  I hope this is no indication of this baby’s attitude towards cleaning…