I remember when the Gulf War broke out. I was in 4th grade and my teacher had a friend who was engaged to a U.S. Air Force captain, Stephen Phillis. He was deployed to Saudi Arabia. So, as a school assignment, we became pen pals with this captain and corresponded by handwritten letters. We got to know him as a real person as he faithfully wrote each one of us and answered the questions we 4th graders had for him.

A few months later, on February 15, 1991, Captain Phillis was flying an A10 “Warthog” and it was shot down over northwestern Kuwait. We received the shocking news that he was MIA. Our attention turned to his fiancee, Sharon, and we began writing her letters of encouragement, letting her know that we were praying for Steve. Weeks went by. Then we got the dreaded news that his body had been found. He had been killed. The war all of a sudden became so real.

Our class had a special ceremony honoring our brave hero and we planted a tree in front of our school. His fiancee, Sharon, was there and I just remember her and my teacher just crying and crying and crying. She brought his purple heart medal and we were able to see and touch it. I will never forget that day. That was 20 years ago.

I felt it was time to share this memory with my boys. It hits me much deeper now than ever before. As a 9 year old, I recall memories of the war being limited to phrases such as: Operation Desert Storm, scud missiles, stealth bombers, and Stormin’ Norman. But what really matters are that countless soldiers have lost their lives in order to preserve our freedom and rights. That means countless family members and loved ones have been devastated by a traumatic loss.

We typically spend Memorial Day as just another day off, but today I wanted honor the day for what it’s meant to be…a day to remember our fallen soldiers. It was totally unplanned, but a friend from Saudi Arabia came over and cooked Saudi food for dinner. I thought that was so fitting. Before eating, I gave a little mini-lesson to my boys about what Memorial Day symbolizes and shared about my special pen pal. I read one of his letters. Then, we listened to a recording of “Taps” and we remembered Captain Phillis and his family for a moment. I figured it was due time that I truly appreciated the ultimate sacrifice that he made for our country.

Kabsa and Bamia. It was delicious.

Being patriotic by making flags for dessert.

A letter from his fiance written while Steve was MIA and a letter from him that I have kept.